Why Can't I Make Decisions? A Clinical Psychologist Explains
- Danielle Kofler
- Jun 28
- 5 min read
Have you ever spent 30 minutes choosing what to watch on Netflix, only to give up entirely? Or agonized over whether to send an email, apply for a job, or end a relationship because you're terrified of making the "wrong" choice?
If making decisions feels unusually difficult, you're not alone. Many people assume they're simply "indecisive," but in psychology, chronic difficulty making decisions is often a symptom and not a personality flaw.
As a clinical psychologist, I rarely see indecision in isolation. More often, it's connected to anxiety, perfectionism, low self-confidence, or the way our brains are wired to respond to uncertainty. Let's explore why decision-making can feel so hard.
Your Brain Doesn't Like Uncertainty
One of the strongest psychological predictors of indecision is intolerance of uncertainty.
Humans naturally prefer certainty because it helps us feel safe. When a decision has no obvious "right" answer, our brains often interpret that uncertainty as a potential threat.
You might find yourself thinking:
"What if I regret this?"
"What if there's a better option?"
"What if I make the wrong decision?"
The more uncomfortable uncertainty feels, the more likely you are to delay making a choice altogether. Ironically, avoiding the decision provides temporary relief, but it also teaches your brain that uncertainty is something to fear, making future decisions even harder.
Perfectionism Makes Every Decision Feel High Stakes
If you're a perfectionist, you're probably not trying to make a good decision; you're trying to make the perfect one.
Perfectionism often comes with beliefs like:
There is one correct choice.
I should never make mistakes.
A wrong decision says something about who I am.
When every choice feels like a reflection of your intelligence, competence, or worth, even small decisions can become emotionally exhausting. The reality? Most everyday decisions have multiple acceptable outcomes. Yet perfectionism convinces us that only one path is acceptable.
Anxiety Makes You Overestimate Risk
When we're anxious, our brains become excellent at spotting potential problems. Unfortunately, they also become much less accurate at estimating how likely those problems actually are. Instead of asking, "What is most likely to happen?" an anxious brain asks, "What is the worst thing that could happen?" It also then overestimates how likely that worst case scenario is.
That shift can make everyday decisions - whether to accept a job offer, book a vacation, or speak up in a meeting - feel much riskier than they really are because our brain tells us the outcome will be not only bad, but really bad, and that it will for sure happen (which rarely does!).
Decision Fatigue Is Real
Every decision uses mental energy. By the end of a busy day, your brain has already made hundreds of choices:
What to wear
How to respond to emails
What to eat
How to prioritize tasks
How to manage conversations
As mental resources become depleted, making even simple decisions can feel surprisingly difficult. This is one reason why many people feel overwhelmed choosing dinner after a long workday vs. making a decision earlier in the day.
Fear of Regret Can Keep You Stuck
One fascinating concept from social psychology is anticipated regret. Before making a decision, we often imagine how badly we'll feel if things don't work out.
The problem is that we're usually poor at predicting our future emotions. Research consistently shows that people tend to overestimate both how intensely and how long they'll experience regret after making a decision. In reality, most of us adapt more quickly than we expect.
Too Many Choices Can Backfire
It seems logical that having more options would make us happier.
In reality, the opposite is often true.
When we're faced with dozens of possibilities, we tend to:
Compare every option.
Worry about missing out on something better.
Second-guess ourselves after deciding.
Feel less satisfied with our final choice.
This phenomenon is known as the paradox of choice. While having options is generally a good thing, too many choices can overwhelm our brains, making it harder to commit and easier to question ourselves afterward.
Low Self-Trust Keeps the Cycle Going
Perhaps the biggest factor I see in therapy isn't poor decision-making. It's low self-trust (i.e., you don't trust yourself or your judgement to make good enough decisions). And this goes along with people believing they can't trust themselves to recover if things don't go according to plan.
So instead of asking:
"Which decision is the right one?"
It can be more helpful to ask:
"Whichever decision I make, do I trust myself to handle what comes next?"
Building confidence isn't about always making the perfect choice. It's about learning that you can cope with imperfect outcomes.
Practical Strategies That Can Help
If you often feel stuck making decisions, try these strategies.
1. Set a Decision Deadline
Give yourself a realistic time or quantity limit. For example:
Restaurant: 5-10 minutes or looking at 3 restuarants and deciding
Weekend plans: 20 minutes
Major purchase: 3 days or after looking at x amount of options
Without a deadline, your brain can continue searching for certainty indefinitely.
2. Aim for "Good Enough"
Ask yourself:
"Would Future Me be okay if this decision was 80% right?"
Many decisions don't require perfection. They simply require movement.
3. Limit Your Options
Instead of comparing 25 therapists, narrow your list to three.
Instead of browsing every restaurant, pick from five.
Reducing options often reduces overwhelm. This works with toddlers too - letting them pick one outfit out of 3 options rather than the whole closet.
4. Separate Facts from Anxiety
Write down:
Facts
What do I actually know?
Predictions
What am I imagining might happen?
This exercise helps distinguish evidence from anxiety-driven assumptions.
5. Notice When You're Seeking Certainty
Ask yourself:
"Am I trying to make the best decision or am I trying to eliminate all uncertainty?"
Those are two very different goals. No decision comes with a guarantee. Future you can likely handle the outcome.
6. Focus on Your Values
When there's no objectively "right" answer, ask yourself:
Which option aligns best with the kind of person I want to be?
Which choice reflects my values, rather than my fears?
Values can provide direction when certainty is impossible.
7. Remember: Not Deciding Is Still a Decision
Avoiding a decision may feel safer in the moment, but it often comes with its own costs: missed opportunities, increased anxiety, and prolonged uncertainty.
Sometimes making a decision is more valuable than waiting for the perfect one as it gives you some data to work with that will hopefully inform your future decisions.
When to Seek Support
Occasional indecision is part of being human. But if difficulty making decisions is affecting your work, relationships, daily functioning, or mental health, it may be a sign that anxiety, perfectionism, or low self-trust are keeping you stuck.
Working with a therapist can help you understand the patterns behind your indecision, build confidence in your ability to cope with uncertainty, and develop practical tools to make decisions with greater clarity.
Remember: confidence doesn't come before making decisions. More often, confidence develops because you've made decisions, learned from them, and discovered that you can handle whatever comes next.
Dr. Danielle Kofler, C.Psych.
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