Can I swear in therapy?

Sure thing. Please talk the way you actually talk. If the most accurate description of your week involves a few four-letter words, we want the accurate version, not a cleaned-up one. Therapy works best when you can be yourself, and for a lot of people that can include swearing. We've heard it all, so you won't shock anyone.

What if I laugh or make jokes about serious stuff?

That's okay. Humour is how a lot of people cope with hard things, and it's welcome in the room. You don't have to be solemn to be taking therapy seriously. Sometimes we'll gently point out a joke, especially if it seems to be helping you step around something painful. That's not a criticism; it's just something worth noticing together. And yes, we'll probably laugh too.

What if I cry too much?

There's no such thing as crying too much in therapy. That's what the tissues are for. Many people feel embarrassed or apologize when they cry, but you never need to. Crying doesn't mean a session is going badly; often it means we've reached something that matters. Some people cry in every session for a while, and some rarely cry at all. Both are completely normal.

What if I don't know how I feel?

That's very common, and it's a great place to start. Many people come to therapy knowing something feels off but unable to name it. Others feel numb, or feel several things at once that seem to contradict each other. You don't need to arrive with the right words. Noticing, naming, and making sense of your feelings is a big part of what we do together.

Is it okay to say I don't want to live? Will you immediately hospitalize me?

Yes, it’s okay to say it, and no, saying it doesn’t mean you’ll be hospitalized. Thoughts of not wanting to be alive are more common than most people realize, and therapy is one of the safest places to talk about them. Asking about suicide directly doesn’t put the idea in anyone’s head. Talking about it openly often brings relief. When you share thoughts like these, we’ll ask some questions to understand what you’re experiencing and how safe you feel right now. Most of the time, we work together on a plan to help you stay safe and get through the hard moments, and therapy continues as usual. Going to hospital is rare and a last resort. It’s for situations where someone is in immediate danger and can’t stay safe. Even then, we’d talk it through with you. The bigger risk is keeping these thoughts to yourself. We would much rather know, so we can help.

What if I don't know what to talk about this week?

Come anyway. Some of the most useful sessions start with "I don't really have anything to talk about" and then somehow we have one our most profound 50 minutes together. We can check in on how the week went, return to something from a previous session, or just see what comes up. Often, the thing that matters most shows up once you stop trying to plan it. And if a session feels quieter, that's okay too. Not every session needs a breakthrough.

Nope. Whatever you're worried about saying, we've almost certainly heard something like it before. Our job is to understand you, not to grade you. Many people hold back the thing they most need to talk about because they're afraid of how it will land. When they finally say it, they're usually surprised by how ordinary it is to us. That in and of itself can be life changing.

What if I leave things out, or haven't told you the whole truth?

That's normal. Trust takes time and repeated exposure to someone, and you get to share things at your own pace. Most people hold some things back at first, especially things that feel embarrassing or painful. If you realize later that you've been leaving something out, you can tell us whenever you're ready. Nobody is keeping score, and we won't be upset - we totally get it.

Am I allowed to ask my therapist questions about themselves?

You are allowed to ask; they might or might not answer. Ask whatever you're curious about: our training, how we work, whether we have kids, why we became therapists. We'll answer what we can. Sometimes we'll keep a personal detail private, usually because the session is meant to stay focused on you. If we choose not to answer, we'll tell you why. It's never because the question was wrong to ask.

The FAQs No Therapist Puts on Their Website: Part 2 - Your Therapist and How Therapy Works

Danielle Kofler

Oct 23

4 min read

Therapy is an unusual relationship. You share things you may not have told anyone, with someone you know very little about. It makes sense to be curious about the person across from you, and about how the whole process actually works.

In Part 1, we covered what's okay to say and ask in therapy. Part 2 answers the questions people have about their therapist, and about what therapy will really be like.

Is it weird if I Google you?

Not at all - it's probably weird if you didn't 😅. Most people look up their therapist before booking, and it's a smart thing to do. You're choosing someone to trust with a lot, and it makes sense to know who they are. You'll mostly find our training, our areas of focus, and maybe an article or two. If you came across something you're curious about, feel free to bring it up.

Do you actually care about your clients?

Yes, genuinely. Therapy is a professional relationship, but it isn't a cold one. We think about how you're doing, we're glad when things get better, and we notice when they don't. This is a professional relationship AND we care; both things can be true at the same time.

Do you think about me between sessions?

Sometimes, yes. Every week or other week, we spend an hour with you - so of course we will think about you before and after the session. Occasionally, something you said stays with us after the session ends. We hold your story in mind, even when you're not in the room.

What if I see you at the grocery store?

It happens more often than you'd think. To protect your privacy, we won't come up to you or say hello first. If you want to say hi, go for it and we will mirror what you do or say; we're happy to see you but our priority is maintaining your confidentiality. If you'd rather pretend you didn't see us, that's completely fine too. Either way, you're welcome to talk about it next session if it felt strange.

Is my problem "bad enough" for therapy?

You don't need a crisis or a diagnosis to see a therapist. People come to therapy for stress at work, a breakup, feeling stuck, big decisions, or a vague sense that something isn't right. Many find it easier to work on things before they become overwhelming. If something is bothering you enough that you're wondering about therapy, that's reason enough to come in and you are not more or less deserving of that hour than anyone else.

Do we have to talk about every single thing from my childhood?

No. Some people find it helpful to look at their past, and many come in wanting to work on what's happening right now. Your history only comes up when it helps make sense of the present. Even then, you get a say in how far back we go and how fast. Plenty of effective therapy focuses mostly on today's thoughts, feelings, and patterns. It depends on your goals, your presenting concerns, and what you and your therapist collaboratively decide is the priority.

Can I tell you if I don't like something you said, or if therapy isn't working?

Please do. That feedback helps us adjust and makes therapy better. Maybe a suggestion didn't fit, a session felt off, or you're not seeing progress. You won't hurt our feelings, and you won't get in trouble. Some of the most useful sessions start with "That thing you said last week bugged me." Working through it together is often part of the work itself. How often do you have those conversations with other people? Practicing this in therapy is actually a really great way of strengthening that skill so you can do so outside of session as well.

Will you be offended if I want to switch therapists?

No. Fit matters, and not every therapist is the right match for every person. You might want someone with different training, a different style, or a different background. We would much rather help you find a better fit than have you quietly stop coming. Asking for a change is a sign you're taking your care seriously.

Will you tell anyone what I say?

What you share in therapy stays confidential. There are a few exceptions set out in law, such as when there's a serious risk of harm to you or someone else, or concerns that a child may be at risk. We'll walk you through these limits at your first session, so there are no surprises. You can ask about them at any time, before or after you start.

Still have a question?

If your question isn't in this series, ask it. There are no silly questions in therapy, only ones people haven't felt safe enough to say out loud yet.

Dr. Danielle Kofler, C.Psych.

Clinical Psychologist and Clinic Director of One Psychology Clinic

If you’re in crisis right now, call or text 9-8-8 (Suicide Crisis Helpline, available 24/7 across Canada), or go to your nearest emergency department.

Woman in a navy outfit sits on a white sculptural sofa in an elegant pale room, smiling calmly. — Dr. Bryan Butler, a clinical psychologists at One Psychology Clinic

The FAQs No Therapist Puts on Their Website: Part 2 - Your Therapist and How Therapy Works

Is it weird if I Google you?

Do you actually care about your clients?

Do you think about me between sessions?

What if I see you at the grocery store?

Is my problem "bad enough" for therapy?

Do we have to talk about every single thing from my childhood?

Can I tell you if I don't like something you said, or if therapy isn't working?

Will you be offended if I want to switch therapists?

Will you tell anyone what I say?

Still have a question?

Recent Posts

Comments

Let's find the right fit.

NAVIGATE

CONTACT

SOCIAL MEDIA